Be Who You Are

Be who you are.

I recently watched a short video. The point was, be who you are, its exhausting trying to be someone you aren’t.

Sometimes I think that is easier said than done. Do not get me wrong, I don’t think you should blatantly lie and pretend that you are interested in certain things if you aren’t or that you should act deceptively towards others to trick someone into being interested in you. I think that hiding important parts of your personality only will lead to confusion and betrayal in the long run for your friends, partner, or family. I think however, that there are times in our lives when we aren’t exactly sure who we are.

In 1965, Elliot Jaques came up with the term, “midlife crisis”. It was positively accepted by the Freudian psychologists but is still not technically a condition that is recognized as a real diagnosis. It is not a global problem, yet it is far more prevalent in Europe and the USA. Most times the midlife crisis happens between 40 – 50. Most times it is brought on by a major event that has happened, perhaps a death, loss of job, divorce, or an illness. The fear of mortality can play a role as well. The person questioning their life often reevaluates goals, dreams, and achievements. They may crave attention. They may act impulsively and even immaturely to recreate a youthful lifestyle. Many times, the decisions and outcomes made during that tumultuous time are quite different from prior choices one would have made. I think mid life can be a chapter in which we reflect on the past yet make life changing decisions for the future, all why questioning who we are.

The last several years have been life changing for me. Between the affair, the divorce, the kids out of the house, several moves, and the pandemic, I have constantly questioned, “who am I?”. I thought I had it all figured out, then my whole life was uprooted. The transition from married to single was a long struggle for me but I feel like I am finally embracing my new lifestyle. I feel at peace most days. I am happy with my choices. I realize that if I wake up with regret, fear, or pain, only I can rectify my situation and tweak how I deal with my emotions, always slightly adjusting who I am.

Life throws us curveballs all the time and we need to rethink our opinions and behaviors accordingly. I can only keep my faith and values intact during each chapter and try to navigate with gratitude and grace. Who I am requires me to be truly being introspective and honest with myself. I hope to have an exciting future with many more life shifts to come. With each change comes new challenges as well as new adventures. With each stage comes a slightly different me. I don’t want a complete metamorphosis, just an ever-evolving personality that grows in positive ways.