Breaking the Crazy Cycle

It is funny how you can view a situation from so many different vantage points leaving you feeling a variety of different emotions. Some may have said that my being invited out to dinner Saturday night was just luck, or maybe the world looking out for me, or perhaps that the stars aligned, but I believe it was God's way of getting me back on track. This past week I have been dealing with so many negative emotions leaving me feeling sour and that word again, indignant. I was so upset this weekend that I called Lynn with tears in my eyes, not only because I didn't know how to handle my emotions but also, I couldn't bear the thought of being alone last night. Lynn listened, as I even admitted that I was having a hard time trusting in God's plan. Lynn prayed for me then asked me to join a group of friends for dinner, which helped me reset my mindset. I had a great time catching up with her husband Denis, her son Adam, and our friends, Kym, Mark and Anne. Great food, great conversation, lots of laughs and a reminder to be positive. Positive it was too, how could I not be happy after an evening of smiles and so much generosity!

The irony of Saturday's struggles and the follow up Sunday has not been lost on me. The homily yesterday was based on a word only too familiar to my nemesis, indignation; the word, bitterness. Pastor Ben talked about how the only way to get past bitterness is to:

A. Heal our souls and forgive

B. Be honest with yourself

C. Be willing to break the crazy cycle

One of the best ways to let go of bitterness is knowing how much grace God has for us. I know when I feel annoyed, I have a much harder time with forgiveness. I tend to have negative thoughts and it causes a reaction of harshness. I find many times it is difficult to look inward and recognize that I am holding on these contrary thoughts. They bring me down, yet, some kind of righteousness takes over and makes me believe that I need to have the final "honest truth" come from my mouth. The reality is I need to remember grace and forgiveness. Matthew18:21-22: Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to 7 times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you not 7 times, but 77 times."

That's one tough order but it makes sense. Forgiving does not mean that I have given up the right to be angry but rather the right to be unhappy and upset my sense of peace. The issue with my ex has not been resolved. I disagree with all aspects of the issue and how it was handled. I was planning on taking it to the nth degree to prove my case, which of course, I believe I can win. The sermon begs me to ask the question though, is it worth it? Hold onto indignation, bitterness, distress and righteousness or focus on forgiveness, honesty and be willing to break the crazy cycle. Clearly the hardest way is the latter, but for me, I think it is the real win. Speaking of wins, Saturday night was another one thanks to beautiful, caring people!