Chutzpah

I really thought I had something here. I woke up one day and knew that I had to start the blog, A Year of Magical giving. Working full time has certainly put my giving days on hold. I haven't quite figured out how to make it through a week yet without the to-do list still full. I just roll it over week to week. I need to add, accomplish none of the things that need to get done, to the bottom of the list so that I can check off at least one box! The dust has settled, so to speak, after the big move, yet I feel busier than ever.

For quite some time I have been battling bouts of melancholy with the notion that I was no longer needed in the Mom role like I had been in the past. My son decided to take this semester off from college, so he is back home and it is my daughters senior year. Over the last several weeks, I have taken my kids to the eye doctors twice, the dermatologist, the therapist, the pediatrician, the dentist, the oral surgeon and the pharmacy. I have had to think about graduation parties, senior pictures and ads for the yearbook. I feel like I am back in full mom mode again. The joy of feeling needed and the exhaustion that goes along with it!

Speaking of exhaustion, working full time can induce that as well. No wonder I was terrified to get back in the workforce. There were so many other factors that scared me too. My daily life as I knew it would completely change. How was I going to get the house cleaned, the errands done, read for book club, volunteer, engage in bible study and not only write my blog but live it? The scariest issue is that I liken myself to a kindergartener in terms of computer skills, which in the world of 2020 poses a problem. Almost every job wants a 4-year degree and I only hold an Associates. The careers in the design industry all require expertise in computer programs I have never even heard of. Job after job description wanted 2 - 5 years' experience. All of this is daunting going back to work after 20 years.

Recently I was given the book, Comeback Careers, Rethink, Refresh, Reinvent your success at 40, 50, and Beyond. I haven't finished it yet, (of course not, who has the time, lol) but I love a line from one of the paragraphs on what do midlife and older women bring to the table? Skills and Chutzpah to spare. I found out that although I am not on the Geek Squad, I can still learn and be successful with my job. When I have the courage to be vulnerable enough to express what I am scared and nervous about, I am rewarded with patient teachers who I am forever grateful. I took a job as a Health and Wellness Attendant at a retirement community. I really wasn't looking forward to working with senior citizens, but I needed health insurance.

What I have learned from working there is immeasurable. For starters I trained with 2 beautiful college seniors. They patiently have taught me how to use Excel, the scheduling system, where and how to find all of the member information, and spa guidelines just to name a few. More importantly though, they have taught me to appreciate the clientele. From the first day, they raved about how much they loved working at the front desk being able to engage with the daily gym rats. The stories, wisdom, and jokes are nonstop all day. Another line from the book, "When I passed the age of fifty, I suddenly felt a freedom -- a lack of caring about what other people think -- but not in a bad way. In a brave way". The seniors who frequent the club exude this way of thinking and it is so inspiring for me. A reminder to know your value, have courage to get up and step forward and to set yourself free from false expectations.

A Year of Magical Giving has slowly morphed into a different blog from my original concept but maybe that is ok. I can't say that I haven't given nearly as much as I would have liked over the last several months, but I can say how grateful I am. I am grateful for this time to rise and grow. I am grateful for young, enthusiastic teachers and older, wise, resilient ones. The joy my children bring to my life is unfathomable. I know as the clock continues to chime more changes are ahead with my motherly role. I am not ready to be an empty nester yet but maybe all of these new insights from different generations will help prepare me. In the meanwhile, I have realized all skills are not measured by computer knowledge or a degree in business. I know now more than ever I also have the chutzpah to not give up because in the hardest times I have found the most strength and I can thank God for that.