College Bound

Let‘s talk about about giving. I feel like my heart is going to burst with all the love I want to give today. I think about how heavy my heart has been over the last few days packing Dane to go away to college. My heart physically felt like it weighed 100 pounds. I am so happy that we got to spend so much time together shopping, organizing, going through all of his belongings, however, I feel such a sense of loss with him leaving. There was definitely a finality with every item of clothing packed in the luggage. The chances of Dane coming back to our home are very slim due to the fact that the house is on the market. We both felt a hard ending was happening ensuing in several tense and tearful moments. I hope I can fill his heart with all the mom love he needs to get through the first week of school.

I want to leave him with the knowledge that he can feel secure knowing I will support him through his transition in any way I can. I want him to know how much I love him and how much he means to me. I want him to understand that the small spats, are just nerves and doubts. I want him to know that everything that I have done for him, is done out of love, producing sheer joy, to set him up to be successful. I want him to feel cherished that he is loved so much. Loved by God, loved by me as well as his father and siblings.

I started this on my way down to Alabama and now I am back, rereading and still feeling every emotion just like it was today. I do though, feel much more secure with his decision after spending the last several days getting him settled and seeing him start to feel comfortable in his new surroundings. I can breathe easier knowing he likes his room, roommate and the campus. There were several occasions throughout that last day that I broke down and cried though. My ex tried to console me by reassuring me that Dane would be fine. Deep down, I believed he will be fine too, so the reality is, those weren’t the right words to make me feel secure in leaving my son over 3000 mile away. A friend sent me a text acknowledging my sorrow and my heart felt consoled. I felt like someone finally understood that my sadness was acceptable. I also felt like someone finally understood I was feeling a loss also. I am going to miss my middle guy terribly. Dane and I have grown very close over the last year and a half, but my heart is truly happy for him to start the next chapter of his life. Cheers to Dane and may he be blessed with a wonderful college experience.