Feed with Love

We received an offer on my house which I thought was going to make me happy. I have wanted to move out of the home for a while now imagining how a fresh start would be good for my kids and I. I was not ready for the reaction that I had. Instead of being thrilled I was deeply saddened. Having just dropped Dane at school, which already had left an empty space in my heart and home, the offer signified more endings. I found the several days after I heard the news almost impossible to get through. Feelings of loss, defeat and even failure clouded my brain. The finality of my hopes and dreams that I thought were my future was staring me in the face. First the separation, then the divorce, followed by dropping Dane at college, and now moving out of the space I called home for the last 8 years.

I was not prepared for the discombobulated state I was in. My head was spinning as I was trying to make sense out of these unexpected emotions. Endings are hard and change is hard, at least for me. I did quite a bit of praying this week and asked God to give me the strength to get through this mess. Through crying bouts and a few breakdowns I think I finally got my act together. It was not easy though. The first day I walked into my garage with the thought I need to have a sale to downsize most of our belongings. Overwhelmed cannot even begin to express how I felt. I was almost paralyzed from fear that I was never going to be able to get through all of the stuff that needed to be priced, set up and sold. Starting small by focusing only one area at time I found that I made headway. The goal now is to be ready for a 3 day sale starting this Thursday.

The following day I started perusing homes to rent, or possibly buy, so that also calmed my nerves realizing there would be a place for us after all. There are so many options out there which makes it challenging trying to decide what is best for Delia and I. Do we rent a house or a townhome? Should I buy a fixer upper that I eventually rent out or should I buy brand new to alleviate stress? For now I am going to try to put these questions on the back burner for one more week and focus on the garage sale.

The biggest game changer that helped my outlook was when I dropped of snack bags in Issaquah for Catholic Community Services. The organization provides meals for the homeless many days during the week. If a hot meal cannot be provided, they hand out bags of food and drinks for the people to take with them. Typically when I have dropped off in the past it was pre dinner and still quiet in the back of the firehouse which is where dinner is served. I went earlier on Thursday and was greeted by a bustling kitchen and 3 lively ladies heating up lunch. I talked with them for a bit and they were so enthusiastic and positive. Every Thursday they cook, serve and clean up a meal for anyone in need. The guests usually are a diverse group of teens, older people who can't cook any longer, homeless, alcoholics, drug addicts or even families. These women are so inspiring with their dedication to help those in need.

As I chatted with this wonderful group of volunteers that exuded blessedness I began to realize that although this is an end to a chapter, its not the end of the book. I have so much to be thankful for. There is so much to look forward to. The future is bright.

#7707actsofkindness #hope #truth #love