Meaningful Values

I have been thinking a lot about values. Recently a situation arose in my life that made me realize that I need to reevaluate what my values are from time to time and make sure they align with my life. Revisiting what these ideals are, and why they are important to me, is necessary because people and circumstances change. I believe change is usually good but sometimes change hurts. I picked up a book called Kindness recently. I happened to be flipping through the pages and landed on the page referencing values. In it, the question is asked, “What is truly important to me in my life right now?”

When my world came tumbling down, I continually questioned how and why. It didn’t make sense to me because I put so much emphasis on the values dear to my heart. I thought that my ex and I had similar beliefs, so it was very hard for me to comprehend he did not. After the incident this week, something changed in me. I did some further investigating on values and found tips on how to figure out what is most meaningful to me. What are traits you find admirable in others? How can you be the best version of yourself? What ideals does your family believe in? What gives you peace of mind?

While reflecting on the some of the questions I realized that some of my beliefs have been rocked to my core. I wonder to myself, can they still an important value if, I don’t know if I hold them dear any longer? I didn’t get married to the father of my 3 kids until I was 33. One of the main reasons I fell in love with him was because he was the kindest, sweetest man I had ever met. I had been waiting for someone whom I shared similar values with and I finally found him. When we said our, I do’s, I believed that he would be my wedded husband for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

Things change and I think maybe I have changed too. I once held things like integrity, trust, and honesty as some of the most important values that I wanted for my life. I still find those qualities to be important, but they have been challenged repeatedly. What I once felt comfort in, now brings me pain. As far as integrity goes, I try to stay above the fray and do the right thing and its not always easy. There are times when I find my initial reaction to a situation requiring my moral compass to be intact, extremely difficult. Nasty thoughts will swirl in head and I can thrive on them for a few moments. Then I give myself a reality check and try to do the right thing. Trust and honesty are definitely two scary words after rejection. They both require a leap of faith on a daily basis. By no means am I going around lying and breaking promises. It is how much personal honesty can I bear. The truth hurts sometimes. I just keep telling myself, it is the truth bombs that make us grow though.

Contemplating these questions gave me some clarity that I have been waiting for. I have been praying to God for guidance and answers. Honestly, I have been praying that for years and even though He has tried to help me several times, I chose my way. This time, I think I heard Him loud and clear. It is time to move on. My values and ideals do not any longer line up with my ex. We are on different paths now and I need to review what are the most important things that I am looking for with the people I spend time. What values will bring me to the best version of myself.

I found lists upon lists of words describing values. One list had 10, another the top 100, and while researching, I also came across a 400-word list. In order for me to live intentionally I am going to remember the values in Galatians 5:22-23:

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control; against these things there is no law.

I don't think I can go wrong by starting there.

Galatians 5:22-23