Reminders

It's that darn Facebook again. Always reminding you of your memories in a perfect picture format. Seems like in my prior life we would be away this time every year. Just yesterday 3 different vacation spots were a part of those souvenir photos. All of those vacations were fantastic at the time. Two were taken with friends and the third was just my family. We laughed, we ate delicious food, we drank strong coffee and yummy cocktails. We saw shows, shopped, and we ran a half marathon (at least by him and I!) as well as had great family dinners. I thought life was beautiful. Actually, life was beautiful. I won't deny myself that. However as wonderful I thought my life to be, things were changing, and I had no clue as to how much.

Looking back at the photos bring back some happy memories as well as triggers of pain knowing now that he was already involved. The good news is that although I get melancholy for a bit, there is no longer that searing pain that comes from rejection. The bad news it does still hurt knowing he was in love and corresponding with her during two of those vacations.

I had a realization that was so obvious, yet it took me years to see it. He told me, near the end of the relationship, that he was not a good communicator. I was argumentative because I thought for 20 years we had no problem communicating. Almost 4 years later and my perspective is that I stand my ground. There was just one subject he did not discuss and that was his feelings about the affair. Everything else, no problem.

Since that affair turned into marriage, I can only have my version of how things were. Clearly his version was the polar opposite of what was really happening in my reality. I used to feel like I had been living in another universe and doubted my ability to correctly interpret my world. Today, I am strong in my belief that whether or not he wanted to be with her, he led me to believe he wanted to be with me. I am not a delusional kind of woman. I am quite pragmatic so when he said he was leaving, I knew it was time for the end.

Yes, several years have passed and yes, sometimes I feel a sting of wistfulness. I put my whole heart into my marriage. The thing is, I recognize that he had moved on which meant I had too also. It is a journey I was never expecting to take but I can honestly say, I am quite enjoying my new life. Next year, Facebook will remind of me singing on a stage in front of 250 people. If you knew me, we would all be asking, "what universe are we living in?". I don't like public speaking to 25 much less 250. All I can say is, God has a plan, and it is always a good one.