Rockstar Friends

At my therapy session yesterday I was asked what I needed. I paused and the first thing I thought of was boundaries. I am not good at establishing clear perimeters that keep my soul and mind safe. It is hard for me to distinguish where the line needs to be. I tend to feel bad when I assert myself in matters of the heart. It is very tricky because I want to keep the peace and make everyone happy yet I feel like I am taken advantage of at times. I need to spend some time this week figuring out how to accomplish what has been an impossible task

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My therapist was asking me what I need because I had been lamenting about several topics including dating, the house sale, divorce and the effects on myself and the kids. I was all over the board yesterday. She told me that sometimes we humans forget to give ourselves grace. It is ok to one day feel great and the next to feel lonely. It is ok that one day we may want to go on a date for companionship and the next to enjoy independence. Sometimes I have felt pressure that I should be past the trauma from a failed marriage but it is ok that at times I still break down and cry. My friend Leslie came over in the afternoon to borrow a car but ended up staying the rest of the day and evening. The very last thing she said to me was, I don't think you will ever not care. She is probably right, focus on boundaries!

Leslie may have come by to pick up the car but she is a total rock star and stayed for 4 hours and helped me in the fully packed garage. I really couldn't have done it without her. We organized, moved furniture, took photos and she send out numerous texts to help me empty this house. She is coming back to help out with a load to the dump today. Magical giving from friends. My heart is so grateful. I was working on setting up for the sale all day on Sunday but didn't make nearly the progress as we did yesterday.

Sunday was a little bit of an angry day. There are just so many things to take care of and sometimes I just don't know where to start or when this madness is going to end. I did get more emotional support and financial advice on Sunday evening from Patti who calmed my nerves after an hourlong phone call. Patti has been a huge support for me over this trying year and a half. I can only hope I bring her the same joy she brings me. Her words of wisdom have guided me many times throughout this ordeal. Gratefulness, giving back, hope and mercy. I just try to focus on this and move forward positively and move past the hurt, pain and anger. Some days are just easier than others.