Small Victories

Sometimes life is just hard. Things don't always turn out the way you hope or plan. Failure is eminent. Not only is it eminent, but sometimes I think we fail more times than we succeed. Meaning, that sometimes we have to try over and over to reach our dreams and goals before we prosper. It is always in the failing that we grow the most though. For me, it's helpful to remember that when I feel defeated and inadequate that I am learning resilience and strength. Believing that it is worth all of my efforts, even if I make a small snafu or a giant blunder. I continue to learn from my mistakes and strive to become better person.

I watched a Jay Shetty video recently and he said that if you want to find reason to get annoyed, you will. If you want to find a reason to complain, you will. If you want to see someone get on your nerves, you will. The pain of my divorce still haunts me sometimes and Jay's thoughts resonated with me because I often feel like my ex used this line of thinking to make me out to be something that I really wasn't. I often felt that I wasn't good enough and couldn't compare to his girlfriend. I felt like an old hat compared to a shiny new object. I often felt he was disappointed in my perceived shortcomings. I often felt that I wasn't doing enough over those last 2 1/2 years of our marriage to prove my love for him.

It is in the failing of my marriage that I feel I have learned a clearer direction in which I want to live my life. Rejection and heartbreak have a way of crushing you until you reach rock bottom. It is when I was at my lowest and thought I wouldn't make it through that I finally got the courage to accept my new future. I still struggle with the loss. I still struggle with the pain. However, I know that I am loved and I know, I love passionately. The secret to having it all is believing I already do.

I am very happy that my confidence is once again flourishing. Everyday I celebrate the small victories and self reflect on my challenges and flaws. It is the anticipation of wondering what is next and how do I get there. I think I have turned the corner from living a fear based life to learning to live a life of exuberance. I think the key is living a life of amazing gratitude and unabashed joy. It is in remembering that when I fall into the ditch, I have a way out. I have God's love, mercy and forgiveness. I can make a mistake and that does not define me. It actually helps me to be humble, empathetic, apologetic and evolve into a better version of myself.